


pain and petals

by Dark__blue, pan_and_ready_to_stan (Dark__blue)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, Hospitals, M/M, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Mutual Pining, Pining, Sirius Black-centric, Smoking, as in there's no war, it's not very graphic but it is there, not the focus of the fic though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-23 14:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23879674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark__blue/pseuds/Dark__blue, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark__blue/pseuds/pan_and_ready_to_stan
Summary: Sirius falls for Remus. He gets the Hanahaki disease. He removes his feelings. It's a vicious circle that he can't escape, but the seventh time, he accidentally confesses.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

The first time when Sirius had caught the sickness, he hadn't known what it was. He had been only twelve, and how was he supposed to what love was? His parents hadn't exactly been the best example, and he had only just learned that friendship really existed.

How was he supposed that the difference in the way he liked Remus was important? He liked all his friends differently. 

So when his mom asked him why there were small purple petals falling out of his mouth, he had no idea. When she demanded answers after he'd coughed up blood during one of her important dinners, he couldn't give them.

When she slapped him across the face, familiar and as painful as possible without leaving marks and efficient (she didn't want to waste her time), the only names he could give were Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary and he didn't know any other girls, he swore-

She took him to the hospital. He'd been there before, when his father had been particularly angry, so he wasn't too worried. 

He didn't cough any petals anymore, his mom ordered him to stay away from the girls from now on, and that was that.

(And if he suddenly felt a bit different towards Remus, than that probably had to do with adjusting to the fact that he was a werewolf)

He was fourteen the second time, and while he still didn't know what love was, he knew that Remus' smile was just a little bit more crooked in the mornings before anyone else was up, and that was enough.

This time they were sunflower petals, instead of lilies, like last time. He could hide it, he decided, and he could just research this. His sickness was called the Hanahaki disease, and it occurred only when someone was hopelessly in unrequited love with someone.

That just didn't add up. Sure, he was in a relationship with Marlene right now, but that wasn't really love, was it? It didn't feel like it, at least, it didn't feel like something that took root in your heart and spread to your lungs until you couldn't breathe.

Their relationship was more because they could than for any other reason.

Sirius liked Marlene, she was smart and sharp and probably just a little bit too much like himself, and when a boy liked a girl he got together with her.

The only ones he felt strongly about were his friends, but Hanahaki didn't work for _platonic_ love, now, did it? 

Sure, about some of the Marauders he felt differently than others, but what did it matter that he wanted to call James his brother, and Peter his friend, and Remus his? 

Not one bit. It did not matter one bit, and as soon as the next Hogwarts weekend he'd simply say that he had to visit home, or something, and all these feelings would be gone. It was for the best.

The third time he couldn't deny he was in love with Remus anymore. It was very obvious in hindsight, because no straight boy would crawl into another boy's bed after a nightmare, and want to stay there forever, right?

It sucked. The other times had been bad, yes, but at least when he had been hurting and coughing and getting blood all over the place his parents hadn't _cared_. Now that he lived with the Potters, things got complicated.

Euphemia Potter looked at him, then at the petals of the yellow acadia. Sirius said: "Don't worry about it, I'll pay for my surgery myself, I'll get out of your hair if you want, I-"

Euphemia opened her mouth, and he braced himself for the questions about who it was, when it started, was he sure it wouldn't help to confess (and if he was being completely honest, he also braced himself for the inevitable pain)

Instead, Euphemia told him of a boy, a boy she'd known before her husband, who had made her heart fill with love and her lungs with flowers. "But," she said, "the thing about this disease is that you don't get it when you think there's even a change of it being reciprocated. I would much rather have some red flowers given to me by my love in my hand, than in my heart."

Sirius could only nod. She didn't tell James, didn't kick him out of their house, just drove him to the hospital immediately, and when it was all over she bought him ice cream. He almost cried.

The fourth time was honestly just _stupid_. It had been in the summer vacation before their seventh year, and he hadn't even _seen_ Remus for more than a month, so he thought he would have a bit more time. 

The book Euphemia (mom, he thought to himself, she wanted to be called mom) had given him had explained that it took at least a month after falling deeply in love before the symptoms showed up, and they had to be triggered by a sudden surge of love.

And he hadn't seen Remus for over a month! (Which was fine, Sirius could absolutely handle that.) That meant that he should be at least safe for the rest of the vacation.

But then the letter had arrived. It had been simple, but Sirius had forgotten he'd asked Remus to tell him how the full moon went (he hadn't, not really, but he'd tried really hard not to think about it- not to think about him) and it was unexpected.

And there it was, covered in blood. Sirius couldn't help but think it was fitting, in a way, him tainting everything Remus ever gave him, purely because of these stupid feelings.

Was it not enough that he had tainted their friendship? Was it not enough that he wondered if he was taking advantage of Remus every time he slung an arm around him? 

But no, now the letter was unreadable too, and it was wet (not only because of blood) and he just wanted all of this to be over

He can just make out the letters at the bottom of the letter: _Yours, Remus_ and he smiles wetly and books an appointment again.

(One of the Healers recognizes him. They tell him that they're worried, that this _can't be healthy._ Sirius laughs and says: "Of course it isn't. That's why I'm here")

The fifth time, Sirius does more research than he's ever done for school. (There has to be another way, there has to, because otherwise Sirius would have to stay away from Remus forever and he can't do that, he can't-)

He reads stories of people who had the surgery, people from before the surgery was even done, and people who didn't have the surgery.

You can split that last one up in three categories. The ones who confessed and found out their love liked them back, those who confessed, got rejected, and died, and those who didn't confess and died.

Sirius only understood one of these. He didn't understand why anyone would confess. 

One of the reasons people got this was because they believed it was impossible to be liked back. If you still told the person, the only thing you could intend to do it for was so that they would be stuck with the guilt forever. 

That didn't sound like love to Sirius. (He knew, of course, of the stories where family or friends shared the secret, and those were indeed an exception, but people could easily make sure no one knew, couldn't they? (It was why he hadn't told anyone))

He did understand those who didn't go though. He thinks that he might've been one of those, if his mom hadn't made him go that one time, if he had understood what these feelings were.

It felt impossible to remove them. This love was a part of him and it didn't feel like it could ever be taken away. It felt like a law of nature.

The sixth time, Sirius almost broke. He knew he should've stayed away but he couldn't, knew he shouldn't have fallen again but he couldn't. It felt like he was made for loving Remus.

It hadn't even been a year, he just fell faster and faster everytime. He thought that it probably was because every time he knew Remus a bit better, every time it was easier to make a home, easier to forget he didn't belong next to this sun-drenched boy.

If only Remus loved him back. But he didn't, Sirius knew, because Remus just wasn't rich enough to pay for the surgery, at least not without reporting to the ministry for help. 

The ministry didn't like helping, especially helping werewolves. Point is, Sirius would know if anything like that happened. And it hadn't.

It was a possibility, of course, that Remus liked him but simply didn't love him, but Sirius didn't think that could be it. Remus could do so much better, and surely he knew that, if it was true that he was even slightly interested in Sirius, he'd only have to lift a finger and Sirius would come to him.

He sighed, standing outside, his back to the brick wall (this time, the petals were triggered by the way Remus looked in the bar lights). He'd taken up smoking. He already had one deadly addiction that was fucking up his lungs, so what was one more?

(The healer that had spoken to him the last time told him that he needed to put a stop to this. He told them that he'd think about it.)

The seventh time, Sirius snapped. He'd wanted to get away from Remus, because at first it would at least take over a year before these feelings, but now it had hardly been a month and he knew he loved him again.

He needed to get away. It was getting harder to hide, and he needed to- he needed to cut Remus out of his life. HIs flight was booked, his uncle Alphard's house was ready, and maybe he wouldn't even need to undergo surgery this time.

The love he held hadn't yet bloomed, so as long as Remus wouldn't be particularly amazing during their talk (a lot to ask for, Sirius knew) it would all be fine. He needed to tell Remus, he couldn't just up and leave, Remus deserved better.

Remus was an incredibly kind person, and he'd probably be completely on board with Sirius plan as soon as he knew everything.

Sirius wouldn't even need to say he'd been through this six times already, because that was honestly just pathetic. He'd just mention that it _would_ happen again, and that it really wasn't Remus fault.

And then he'd leave.

The door to Remus' flat creaked a little when it opened, and Remus looked up at the sound. And smiled. He smiled like he was happy to see Sirius, like Sirius' existence was something to be happy about, like Sirius only existed for that smile.

The smile immediately left his face when Sirius doubled over, coughing, just before he could set a foot over the threshold (that was probably symbolic for something. It hurt too much to find out for what.). As soon as Sirius got up again, there was a single, red, rose petal in his hands.

It's too much. Can't the universe just let him leave? White-hot anger flows through him, and it feels like he's on fire, like the flowers inside of him are on fire. _Good._

He deserves to be angry, doesn't he? He has withstanded so much, been through so much, and he can finally feel something different, something that doesn't make him feel like he's doomed.

Now he understands why his lovely niece gets mad so easily because it feels so good, like he's right, like he's powerful.

"Is it not enough", he starts, and fuck he's taking his anger out on Remus and he should stop, he really should "that I fell for you six times, six fucking times? What more do you want?"

He knows this isn't Remus fault, but Remus is the cause of it and he just wants- he just wants to stop feeling like this is all his own fault.

Remus doesn't look concerned anymore (that was at least something. Sirius didn't want to be pitied) but now he looks surprised, and hurt.

That's all it takes for Sirius to lose his anger, but that doesn't heal him, doesn't solve his problems, and now that he's allowed these words to fall out he just can't stop.

"Is it not enough?" And yes the anger is gone but he's still broken and all these ragged pieces of him bleed into his words until it sounds so sharp that Sirius suddenly isn't sure anymore if the ache in his throat is really only because he's about to cry.

"I hate going to hospitals, you _know_ that. Still I went, endured their fucking pity, but was it too much to hope I wouldn't have to set foot in one ever again?"

At this point, Sirius doesn't know whether the look in Remus' eyes or the stem of the flowers is the thing that's squeezing his insides, but it hurts all the same.

"I was going to leave, okay? I was going to leave and you would never have to deal with me again, but of course you fucking _had_ to smile, didn't you? Couldn't you keep your sunshine for yourself one fucking time?"

And Remus- Remus doesn't say anything, and why should he? He doesn't care about Sirius anyway. He's just making a fool out of himself here, he should leave, he wants to leave, he _needs_ to leave. 

So he does.

He walks- not out of the house, exactly, seeing as he had never even set foot into it, but he turns around and apparates. It's too big of a risk, probably, in the middle of all these muggles but he needs to get away, he can't let Remus see his tears.

He's chosen to go by plane, because he always wanted to fly in a muggle airplane, and past him thought it might make everything a bit better but it doesn't.

He just sits there, waiting on his flight, on a hard metal chair, and coughs and cries and spits petals, but when an older lady asks him if he's okay he says he is, because he can hardly say: _I just left the one I love and now I'll have to explain everything in a letter while I couldn't even explain it in person. I've got gorgeous flowers in my lungs but the thorns hurt more than I ever thought possible._

He'll be fine though, he'll have the surgery again, and he'll be rid of all these feelings and he'll write his letter. He'll be- he'll survive. He needs to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, if you're wondering why Sirius fell deeply in love with someone while he was only twelve years old, in my logic it's because of his fucked up childhood! He now latches on to people extremely quickly and deeply, but then again, I'm no psychologist so this could still be a major plothole.
> 
> All the flowers mentioned are chosen for their meanings!
> 
> Also if y'all are wondering why Remus doesn't have the disease that would be covered in a hypothetical second part. (do you guys want a second part? It would probably give this a happy ending)


	2. Chapter 2

There are a lot of things the general public doesn't know about werewolves. That Remus Lupin was one of them, for example, or that they couldn't have certain sicknesses for longer than a month. 

The thing is, when werewolves change into a wolf at the full moon, all the things that happened to their wolf body showed on their human body too. It was the reason why Remus had so much scars. But the wolf had a scar right over its nose from when Remus, when he was younger, had rollerskated into a table (and, neeedless to say, he had been in his human form at the time).

When a werewolf would catch a sickness in human form there was a chance they wouldn't have it anymore after the transformation, There were certain diseases, mostly magical ones, that wolves simply couldn't get. And once the wolf was rid of it, the human was too, after the transformation.

It explained how Remus could be in love with Sirius Black his whole life without ever getting the Hanahaki disease. Wolves didn't really do complicated feelings like love.

Humans did, as proved by James Potter one night. Remus and him were the only ones left in the common room, studying, when suddenly James started coughing, and before he could stop him, Remus had caught a petal.

It belonged to a lily, because of course it did, and Remus felt ice-cold fear spread in his veins the way flowers never would. James deserved to live, and love.

It reminded Remus a little of himself, the way James stubbornly held on to his love. 

He wanted to help him, so he did that the only way he could. He gave him hope. Remus knew that he would hate it if someone did this to himself, because the only way _he_ 'd survived so far was by not hoping.

Every moment he dared to hope, dared to think that maybe the arm slung around him meant something more, his mood was lifted higher, higher, higher, and then he crashed and burned. Every time it hurt worse.

Then again, _he_ wouldn't die without the hope (it felt more like he would die every time he allowed it), so he told James that he'd seen Lily wear a certain little green bracelet.

"I gave that one to her," James says, dazedly, almost unbelievingly, but James Potter trusts his friends. 

"Did you now," Remus replied, and he thinks that it's a good thing he didn't have to lie.

It's a good thing because James would never let his love be taken away. He would keep it, and nurture it, and in the end he would collect the blood stained petals he thought most beautiful and give them to Lily, without expecting anything back.

He felt jealous of them sometimes, after they'd gotten together, when they were all lounging on the couches in the common room.

He'd see James and Lily cuddled up together, and at the same time he'd be holding Sirius in his arms, and he would realize it wasn't enough. He wanted what they had, wanted to smile down at Sirius and know they were together.

As It was, he could only smile down at Sirius and be painfully reminded that they _weren't_ together, while at the same time being stunned by the sleepy smile Sirius gave him back.

He wished he could get Hanahaki sometimes, and not just because he wouldn't be a werewolf anymore. They could take it away then, not only the flowers and impending death, but also the urge to buy Sirius flowers and the feeling of impending death any time Sirius looked at him.

He knows he should be happy that wolves don't do those complicated emotions, and sometimes he is, on days where he needs an excuse to tear himself apart. 

On the days after though, he feels... different. He feels clean, in a weird sort of way, weak, in a way that makes his hands shake just the littlest bit, and stripped bare.

That's why it's such a bad idea to write letters in that state, especially letters to the one you've loved for so many years that you've lost count. 

Remus had realized this in the summer before seventh year. Sirius had asked him to tell how the full moon went.

The first mistake Remus had made was being honest. The full moon had sucked because he was used to having his friends there to help and they hadn't been there, and he had really wanted to keep it to himself because the moment he'd let that slip Sirius would want to come over for every full moon to come.

His parents wouldn't allow it, because they didn't know that his friends knew he was a werewolf, and Sirius would come anyway, and Remus wouldn't be able to deny him anything and it would be a disaster.

The second mistake he made was that he didn't disguise his feelings for Sirius. The moment he reread it, he noted that the fondness practically dripped of the page, from inside joke to nickname to the way he signed it.

The third mistake was actually sending it. He'd thought that it might be good, that Sirius would maybe like the letter, maybe send one back, maybe sign his with "Yours" too, but none of that happened.

He'd poured his heart out, as good as he could, and it'd been a mess and half of it had spilled over the table, but it was obvious, to anyone who knew him as well as Sirius, that there were feelings involved.

He'd never gotten a letter back. That was answer enough.

He needed to get over it, he really did. It just... turned out to be impossible. These feelings were just always at the back of his mind.

Sirius didn't exactly help, though. Their friendship had been tactile and affectionate from the start, but that was just the way it was. Remus had almost gotten used to the unique ache when people thought they were dating.

Thing is, Remus watched him probably more than strictly healthy, and he'd come to the conclusion that Sirius didn't really do serious relationships.

It had started with Marlene. When Sirius had introduced her as his girlfriend, they had been tense, and barely touched each other. Remus figured it was because it was still early in their relationship.

Then they'd gone to the Gryffindor table for lunch, and suddenly they were acting completely different. Mary asked if they were together now, and Sirius had pulled Marlene closer to him, and said that, yes, they were. (Remus already knew, it shouldn't have hurt anymore)

It was a pattern. Remus could still vividly remember (because he was self-destructive like that) the time that Sirius' current boyfriend had offhandedly mentioned that the flowers on top of the quidditch goals seemed beautiful.

The rust-eating flowers had been planted there as an experiment from Alice, a girl from their year, and, as Sirius said after he climbed down, flower in his hands, "they had to be removed anyway"

His boyfriend (his name was Caradoc. Remus still saw him sometimes, sometimes with his boyfriend Benjy, and now that he'd gotten over the initial dislike, he had to admit he was actually quite nice) had kissed him in thanks.

Sirius had responded enthusiastically (fun fact: Remus intestines had responded just as enthusiastically, although they didn't seem to have half as much fun), but later, when it was just Sirius and all his friends and Caradoc, they'd barely touched each other.

Remus didn't know if he loved or hated that Sirius' romantic relationships were that way. On the one hand, it might help getting over him if it was even more obvious that he didn't have a chance. On the other hand, Remus might just die if someone else got to hold Sirius.

Sirius had the irritating habit that once in every year, or maybe every two years, he'd distance himself from Remus for a while, and while Remus had never found the reason for it, it kept happening.

It was happening right now, actually, but it was probably almost over again, because Sirius had sent him a letter to meet up (it was more formal than what Sirius usually did, but Remus had been so happy that Sirius had reached out to him that he hadn't thought much of it).

Then he heard the sound of the door opening, and he saw Sirius standing there, his hair braided back.

The full moon had only been a few days ago, and Remus couldn't help it: there was such a sudden rise of affection that he couldn't keep it all in, and some of it spilled over, into his smile.

Remus had heard a lot of awful sounds in his life. He'd heard his mom cry after he was turned, he'd heard nails on a chalkboard, he'd heard Snape call Lily a mudblood, but nothing quite compared to the sound of Sirius coughing.

Remus thought it couldn't get any worse; he was wrong. There was a petal cradled in Sirius hands when he got up.

And Remus remembered. Remus had seen James cough up flowers too, and he'd been so, so afraid and now he was again.

He didn't want Sirius to die, obviously, but a small, selfish part of him (a part that he didn't let out much) also didn't want Sirius to fall for someone else.

Luckily Sirius had at least stopped coughing. 

The first thing that got through to Remus was that Sirius was angry at him, _really angry_. He didn't understand what he'd done wrong, but he'd gladly apologize if that meant Sirius would stop looking so closed off, so on edge, so _unhappy_.

When Sirius started talking, Remus stopped functioning. Sirius said- he said the petals were because of _Remus_? That couldn't be right. 

And then- then he said that he'd fallen for Remus _multiple times_ , while Remus hardly believed that anyone could fall for him _once._

Suddenly Sirius' tone isn't pissed off anymore, but this is worse. Now he sounds broken. Remus looks at him, where he's still standing in the doorway, and he desperately wants him to walk in. He wants Sirius to get inside, to sit down on the sofa, to _talk_ to him, to-

He doesn't want him to stand there like there's even a chance that he wouldn't be welcome, that his feelings aren't returned. He wants to tell him this, wants to go up to him. His feet suddenly don't seem to work.

Sirius says he's leaving, and Remus desperately wants him to stay. 

No words come out of his mouth, though. He can't fuck this up. What if he says the wrong thing? Should he immediately tell Sirius he likes him back? Should he ask him to get inside first? Would Sirius run away if he gets any closer? (It looks like he might)

But before he can say anything Sirius is gone. _Fuck._

It's practically impossible to track someone who apparated, so the best course of action would be to figure out where Sirius could have gone. 

While his first impulse was to run out of the door and search for Sirius, he walked back into the house and searched for his two-way mirror. All of the marauders had gotten one from James to communicate, it was easily the most valuable thing in his whole house (if only Sirius had stayed and walked inside, then that wouldn't be the case)

"James?"

"That's me."

"Is Sirius with you?" 

"Is that why you called? No, he isn't. Didn't he tell you he was leaving today?"

Remus is suddenly really glad that he hasn't directed the two-way-mirror at his own face, and swallows. "No, he- he did tell me, I just wasn't aware it was today. If I wanted to say goodbye, where should I go? The portkey office?"

"Sirius wanted to try out flying with a plane, the idiot. So you need to go to the airfort."

"The airport, you mean."

"Yeah, that. Are you okay, Moony? You sound... different."

Damn James Potter and his selective perceptiveness towards those he cares about. 

"I'm fine."

"Tell Pads goodbye from us too, will you? I would've done it myself, but Lils already had plans for today, and someone has to take care of Harry. Harry, come say hi to your uncle!"

After Harry had spewed out some gibberish that vaguely sounded like his nickname, Remus ended the call.

There was only one airport near, but since they didn't allow werewolves to learn how to apparate, Remus needed to call a cab. The logic behind the rule was, according to the ministry, that they didn't want any wolves apparating on a full moon, killing people left and right. The logic behind the rule was also, according to Sirius, "really fucking stupid, you can't even do the simplest spells when you're a wolf, so how are you supposed to apparate? It's just plain old discrimination."

Remus got lost in that memory for a moment, in how Sirius eyes had gleamed with determination, and how he'd done more work than Remus had ever see him do before, just to send a tremendously long letter to the ministry protesting their decision.

Maybe that was the moment he fell in love with him. (It was probably earlier, though. Remus didn't notice the spark of tenacity in just anyone's eyes)

The shock of the cab stopping shook him out of his thoughts, and he got out and paid (he couldn't really afford this, but he had to. Who needed chocolate anyway?)

He probably looked ridiculous, running into the airport, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He needed to find Sirius, he didn't know when his flight was so he had to be fast.

The airport was way too crammed. He cast the disillusionment charm to get past the check-in, but after that he was lost.

He walked around, trying to look everywhere, trying to look for that mop of black hair, He couldn't find it, but the second time he walked past gate 10, an old lady took pity on him.

"Are you looking for something, dear?"

He took a look at her friendly smile, and decided it wouldn't hurt to try.

"Someone, rather. I'm looking for my friend. Long black hair, grey eyes and wearing a leather jacket?"

He hadn't expected her to actually know who he was talking about, but her eyes lit up, and she said: "Oh, yes, I've seen him! Last time I saw him he wasn't at any of the gates, but next to the sandwich shop. He didn't look too happy though, and I can only hope you're here to change that."

She looked sternly at him from above her glasses, and he was suddenly strangely reminded of McGonagall.

"I am. " As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized it was true. Sirius loved him, had to, and he loved him back. That was a good thing, a very good thing. 

He went to the sandwich shop, and sure enough, Sirius was sitting there. Remus went to sit beside him.

"Hey."

Gray eyes widened, and turned to him for a second, before Sirius stood up and set a few steps in the opposite direction.

Remus couldn't let that happen, not again. He grabbed his sleeve.

"Please, wait. Listen to what I have to say, _please_."

He released his sleeve, but Sirius remained frozen in place. He didn't turn around, but he didn't walk away further, so Remus counted that as a win.

He had no idea what to say, but he wasn't about to fuck this up again, so he'd just be honest and straightforward this time, like a true Gryffindor. "I love you too."

 _That_ got Sirius to turn around. "You didn't get the disease." he said, still not coming closer, one hand hovering in the air as if he had wanted to touch Remus but stopped.

"One of the few benefits of being a werewolf, I guess." 

They stood there in silence for a while. Only then did Remus see that Sirius eyes were red-rimmed. He, while still not fully believing that this was all real, raised one of his hands and carefully held Sirius face. "Can I kiss you now?"

Sirius smiled softly, and moved his head to the side to press a kiss against his hand, "Not yet. There's some things I've got to say first."

Remus didn't remove his hand, and waited.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. You didn't deserve that and I was completely out of line. I was just so- so mad, but not at you. It felt a bit like I was on fire, and the flowers inside of me too. I thought that was a good thing, but" He avoided Remus gaze, "Then I saw you looking hurt, and only then did I know that my heart had turned into ashes in the process."

Remus kind of wants to say something along the lines of "you're so dramatic, Pads.", but It gets stuck in his throat, and all that comes out is: "I should've stopped you. Or told you immediately that I was in love with you, that would've spared us so much trouble."

"Oh, just shut up and kiss me," Sirius says, and Remus complies.

He isn't aware of how long they stand there, only knows that at some point someone asked them if they could move out of the way, please, and that he saw the elder lady from before again, who looked remarkably smug, and that there were a lot of announcements, and that after one of those Sirius said, "That was my flight."

Remus grinned at him. "Was it, now?"

And Sirius laughs back at him, says: "Yes, it was. But I'd rather be here, anyway." 

Remus' even brighter smile at that is swallowed by Sirius lips. He doesn't mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case I wasn't clear enough, in my head it works a bit like this: all things that happen to the wolf body happen to the human body, and the other way around (that's why Remus had so many scars). So if the human body is sick, and it heals in wolf form, than it isn't sick anymore the moment it transforms back.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Kudos and comments are appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering how Sirius fell deeply in love at only twelve years old, my explanation is that it's because of his fucked up childhood! He now latches on to certain people extremely quickly.   
> Then again, I'm no expert, so it could still be a major plothole.
> 
> All the flowers are chosen for their meanings!
> 
> Would you guys read a part two to this? It'd explain why Remus didn't get the Hanahaki disease, and give this a happy ending.


End file.
